Dazed and Confused
by IAmMelissa2
Summary: Edward is popular and doesn't know she exists. Bella is desperate to be popular and yearns for his attention. The initiation will change things. They will find love. But also despair. Which will prevail? When you're dazed and confused, it makes it difficult to decide. **AH. Spans high school to adult. Canon couples, eventually. Warnings - Difficult subject matter. OOC. Lemons.
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just borrowing her characters. No copyright infringement intended._

It's my first time. I'm nervous. Please be gentle.

* * *

><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

**Dazed and Confused**

Leaving this town couldn't come too soon. I don't hate Forks, but I definitely can't be here for a while. So, my car is loaded, and I am ready to hit the road. I'll miss my parents, Rosalie, Jasper (sort of) and a few of my friends, but I am so ready for college. My dad's alma mater, Stanford, will be my new home for the next four years. When she and I were together, we decided we were going to go to Los Angeles. After everything happened, my dad pulled some major strings and – even though I hadn't chosen it at first but had previously been accepted – he was able to get me into Stanford for the fall semester. Fortunately, somebody had dropped out the day he called in the favor. I owed him. A lot. He just smiled; squeezed my shoulder; and said he would do anything for his kids that was within his ability.

The coach at Stanford was actually going to let me practice with the team, and he said we would go from there. I know I was extremely lucky that things turned out like this. It's not that USC wouldn't have been great; I just … couldn't.

I know I shouldn't let our break-up affect my plans, but it is what it is. It left me totally dazed. And hurt. And furious. I'm sad that Rose and I aren't going to the same school now and that Emmett and I won't play on the same team. Again, I just couldn't do it. They understand.

My mom and dad hug me and watch me drive away. Rose and I said goodbye already. She will leave for USC in two weeks. Emmett is already at football camp. My parents and I set-up my dorm last week. Believe it or not, Garrett is my roommate.

On my way out of town, I stop at the diner to grab a coffee. As I am getting back in the car, I see her. Shit. She starts to fast-walk towards my car, and I hurriedly get in and drive by her. As I pass, I instinctively give her a brief glance. I wish I hadn't. I see her cry and yell, "Edward!" and then drop to the ground. I keep going and don't look back.

Betrayal. I'm so tired of getting fucked over. Never again.

* * *

><p>AN

Will you join me for the dizzy ride?

If you do, please always remember: This is an ExB story, and I am a HEA girl. I almost never read an ExB story that has an unhappy end, and I definitely won't write one. There will be drama and some angst, but … HEA! HEA! I'm giving those details now because it's my first full story, and I want you to like me. I mean, it. Yes, it. I want you to like it. HEA! HEA!

I'd love to know what you think. Oh, Breaking Dawn 2 is on Showtime right now. Gotta go! :-)

The first chapter will be up in the next few days. Many thanks to all who are reading.


	2. How did I get here?

**_Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just borrowing her characters. No copyright infringement intended. _**

**A/N – There seemed to be a few people that read the prologue. Now, I truly understand why other writers find that so motivating. Thank you so much for giving the story a try.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter One <strong>

**How did I get here?**

BPOV

Well, I'm on my way and leaving my old life, such that it was, behind. If there was any doubt about that, the pilot telling the flight attendants to "prepare for takeoff" erased it. This isn't the first time I had made this trip, but it feels much more final than any other. It wasn't a total surprise; I had become a thorn in my mom's side. She married major league baseball player Phil Dwyer a few years ago and catapulted herself into "society" life. I no longer fit into her world. He's a couple of years younger than her, and she's determined to appear younger than him. A 15-year-old daughter doesn't fit the plan.

I try to force the tears back as I remember …

"_For god's sake, Bella, why is your only friend a girl whose family has no money or social standing? It's embarrassing. Do none of the other girls like you? Can't you find any other friends?" My face reddens in mortification, but she's not done yet. _

"_I can't go to the country club and say, 'Please feel sorry for my daughter, she desperately needs a friend.' I'd be the laughingstock of the club. 'Oh, poor Renee Dwyer, her daughter has no social skills. What a shame.'" Her voice takes on a mocking tone. _

_I am dying inside. My own mother thinks I'm a loser. I try hard to hold in the tears, because that will just make it worse. It always does. _

"_Bella," she sighs, "you won't get anywhere in life associating with unworthy people." Her face twists in disgust. _

"_Perhaps you might have better luck if you live with Charlie for the rest of high school. I'm going to be so busy with event planning and charities; I won't be able to give you the attention you really deserve. Plus, I have that special surgery coming up, and I will need some peaceful recovery time." _

_Is she really using cosmetic surgery as an excuse to get rid of me? Who is this woman? _

_In a voice laced with finality, she pronounces, "Yes, I think Forks is the best place for you. You'll fit in perfectly. Now, go call your father and give him the good news." _

She sweeps out of the room, and I am effectively dismissed. I call my dad as soon as I can stop my quiet sobs.

Which brings me to today, I am going to live with Charlie and his new family. I'm also going to prove my mother wrong. I will make friends, and I will be popular – shy, loser Bella will be no more. Forks may not be high society, but I have to start the "new me" somewhere.

My mom made it clear that she didn't have room for me in her life. In reality, I get along well with Phil, and he's never made me feel like a lesser person. I'm pretty sure he wasn't consulted in my mom's decision – not that it would have mattered. After he found out, I could tell he felt guilty about what my mom was doing, but he really did seem to love her.

Though my dad didn't want to take it, Phil sent money to build an add-on to my dad's house. My dad didn't give me any details, but I'm almost positive that Phil phoned him and had a very honest phone conversation about the situation. After that call, my dad relented and didn't squawk anymore about accepting Phil's help.

The construction was completed in time for me to move-in before the beginning of the new school year. I will be spending my last three years of high school at Forks High, home of the Spartans. I love football, so at least Forks had a good team.

Football was something that my dad and I had been able to bond over. During the season, our weekly phone calls happened on Tuesday night so that we could discuss the Sunday and Monday games. This helped soften the blow when I thought about my mom sending me away – at least my dad and I get along. I even liked his wife, Sue. They had married a year ago. I didn't really know her three children; all three were at various camps when I visited last summer. I hope we will get along.

Sue has two sons. Paul is a year older than me and will be a junior, and Seth is 12. Then there is Leah, her only daughter. She is my age. Dad said she is a junior varsity cheerleader. Maybe I could be a cheerleader too. It would help me meet people and cheerleaders are always popular. I'm not the most coordinated person alive, but I could practice and try to be really enthusiastic. My mom would have to be proud of me if I was a cheerleader. I'll have to ask Leah about tryouts.

The completed addition to the house includes two extra bedrooms, one full bathroom and a den. Since there was already going to be construction going on, my dad put in some money to add the den (i.e., the sports room) and the extra bedroom, which will be for Sue and him. My dad said everything turned out great and that I will love my room. I know he is trying to keep my spirits up, but I really am excited to see my new room and meet my step-siblings.

At least everybody will have their own bedroom. Charlie's house originally only had one medium-sized bedroom and two very small ones, plus one full bathroom upstairs and a half downstairs. Previously, Paul and Seth had to share a bedroom with bunk beds. Leah will now get Sue and Charlie's old bedroom. She won the draw. Sue believes in democracy.

* * *

><p>"Kids, breakfast!" Sue normally has a very sweet voice, but when she yells we listen.<p>

Here's the reality of my arrival to Forks – Charlie and I get along really well; Sue and Seth are great; Paul is cute and a jerk; Leah is pretty and I am pretty sure she hates me. She acts like a sweet girl in front of her mom. Too sweet. She's "_so_ happy I am here," and we are going to be "the _best_ of friends." I really want to be friends with her, but she makes me nervous with her overly saccharine enthusiasm.

Leah and Paul seem to be very popular. Leah had cheerleading practice most of week before school started, and Paul is varsity football. He hasn't been around much at all. When Leah is home, her best friend, Bree, is usually with her. Bree makes no pretense of liking me.

Paul has a beat-up Toyota hatchback that Sue allowed him to buy with a small amount of life insurance money, which she received when her husband, Harry, died. She had put the money aside for the kids. However, the stipulation is that Paul has to drive Leah and me to school. He's not thrilled about that. Sue takes Seth to school since she teaches at the junior high. Paul got his license earlier than many of the kids in his grade. Apparently, he failed seventh grade – cheating in English. Seth was only too happy to announce that tidbit to me. Paul tackled him and sat on his head when he heard him tell me.

So, here I am stuffed into the back of the car – Leah called "shotgun" for the whole year (we'll see about that) – and we're off to my first day at Forks High.

Paul drives like a maniac. When we pull into the lot, he jumps out almost before he turns off the engine. Leah gets out and almost slams the door in my face.

"Oops," she snickers. "I forgot you were there."

Yeah, right. I'm starting to feel more and more apprehensive.

"Lea-Lea!" Bree screams as she runs over. They hug and Bree "accidentally" steps on my foot as I am crawling out of the back seat. Obviously, Bree hasn't warmed up to me. As I look up to say something, I see Bree pinch Leah's ass. She lewdly winks at me as Leah giggles and swats at her. Uh, okay. Is she marking her territory or something? I guess Leah should just be glad she didn't pee on her leg.

They run over to a group of girls, leaving me in their wake. I start to walk towards the school. As I'm shuffling along, I chance a glance at a group of guys and stop in my tracks.

Standing there is the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. I mean this guy is beautiful. He's easily over six feet tall. And his body seems to be built quite well. He's got on shorts and a t-shirt – solid muscles peek out; and he has great, toned legs. Just, yum. His skin is lightly tanned. He's not looking at me directly, so I can't see the color of his eyes.

His hand reaches up to run long fingers through his hair. It's a little bit too long – ends just starting to curl over his ears and the neck of his t-shirt – the rest sort of surfer shaggy, untamed. You know. Sex hair. It definitely works on him. Very well. The color is a light rusty brown with hints of gold. It's a rare sunny day in Forks, and, as he moves, the sun hits it, showing off more of the golden highlights.

The thing that saves him from being too beautiful is his sharp, masculine jaw. The kind you want to lick. Speaking of which, his tongue flicks out to wet his plump, full lips. Damn. He's just not playing fair.

I almost trip over my own feet because I am staring so hard. He doesn't even give me a look, but I suddenly notice the girl standing next to him. She's beautiful, of course, and her eyes are shooting daggers at me. Then, she grins unpleasantly before she grabs the guy by the back of his sex hair and kisses him. He grins cheekily at her, and she smiles smugly at me before dismissing me with her eyes.

Message received.

I sigh and continue my long, lonely walk to the front door. This morning has not been an auspicious beginning. Once inside, the first door I come to is the school office. I stop in to get my schedule.

Most of my classes are advanced-level. I have to study hard to keep at that level, but I'm determined to go to a good college. I follow the map to my first class, geometry – my least favorite and only regular-level class. I take the book from the teacher, Mr. Banner, according to my schedule, and sit where he indicates. An attractive girl sits next to me and smiles shyly. I boldly hold out my hand.

"I'm Bella."

"Hi Bella. I'm Jessica." She's very soft-spoken. She has wavy, light-brown hair and dark-blue eyes. "You're new, right? The police chief's daughter? Leah's step-sister." She says the last as more of a statement, and I detect a note of distaste.

"Um, yes to all of those. Do you not like Leah?" I might as well find out now. Jessica's cheeks turn a little red.

"It's not that," she says hastily. "She's just very popular and is only friends with the other cheerleaders and junior girls. I don't mean to be offensive. I used to be friends with her, but she's, uh … changed." She comments very fast but practically whispers the last word with a look of pain on her face.

"I feared as much." Jessica seems to let out a breath at my reply. I smile to let her know I'm not offended by any of her words. "Well, I hope that we can be friends. You and me, I mean." She nods emphatically.

"Yes, I would like that."

Sometimes the beginning of a friendship is that easy, I guess. I feel lucky to have one already. However, I do still want to be part of the popular crowd. I can still hear my mom's mocking voice in my head. I hate it, but it's there, pushing me.

"What's your next class?" I ask.

"Advanced English. You?"

"Cool. Me, too." We smile at each other and then class starts.

After the agonizingly boring class lets out, Jessica and I walk to English.

"Emily is in this class too. She's a good friend and very nice. You guys will like each other. She's going out with Sam, but she's not the type to ignore her friends just because she has a serious boyfriend. But you should probably know, Sam broke up with Leah before he dated Emily. They didn't get together right away, but, yeah, it caused a bit of strain. Emily, Leah and I were best friends in junior high, then last year Leah just kind of transformed. She started hanging out with older girls, and, uh, guys."

I chuckle to myself; Jessica talks very fast, almost as if somebody will interrupt her before she gets it all out. Gee, I wonder who used to do that.

"Got it."

"Emily said Sam broke up with Leah because he caught her with a friend of his." Oh.

"That's not cool. Of Leah, I mean."

"Yeah, I know. Anyway, this is it." She indicates the door to the English class. Again, I take my book from the teacher, Mr. Berty, but we don't have assigned seats in this class. Just as we sit down, I look up to see a very cute, tiny girl quickly kiss a very cute, big guy goodbye. She walks in and catches Jessica's eye. She waves enthusiastically and walks over.

"Hi, sweetie. How are you?" She gracefully sits in the seat on the other side of Jessica. Then she looks at me and smiles.

"Hi, I'm Emily." She reaches her hand across Jessica. Jessica looks mockingly annoyed.

"I was going to introduce you." She pouts. "You stole my thunder!" Then she breaks into laughter. She looks at me, "We're Friends re-runs addicts." Emily smiles at her fondly and nods her head. I laugh.

"Me, too! Hi, Emily. I'm, Bella." I shake the hand she has extended.

We all grin at each other. And so my sophomore year at Forks High really begins. Two new friends already. I'm hopeful, now.

* * *

><p>The first few weeks fly by. I make another friend, Jane Denali. She's part of Emily and Jessica's circle. Jane is on the junior varsity cheerleading team with Leah. She says she only made it because her sister is on the varsity squad, but she really is good. I found out it was too late for me to tryout. Maybe next year.<p>

So far, the three of us have gone to both of the home games to support Jane. And, not going to lie, to ogle the football players. Well, I basically stare at Edward the entire time.

It turns out Edward Cullen is the name of my dream guy that I saw the morning of my first day. Emily watches Sam, of course. Jessica has crushes on both Mike Newton and Peter Murphy but neither have asked her out yet. Peter plays basketball, and Mike is on the junior varsity football team. So, Jessica's ogling at the varsity games is equal-opportunity.

Dad, Sue and Seth go to the games to watch Paul and Leah. Paul is a total player (on and off the field) and an ass. He teases me constantly for various reasons – the reason du jour. He's not a big boost to my self-esteem. Leah doesn't like me, but she is careful about it at home. At school, she undermines me every chance she gets. Like Jessica said, Leah has her own circle of friends. They are the "popular" girls. The boys all fawn over them. And the other girls want to be like them.

I don't completely understand why my friends aren't part of the circle. They are all nice, attractive and smart. My guess is that Leah blackballed Emily because of Sam; she dumped Jessica as a friend in her climb for social status; and Jane would never ditch her two friends.

Apparently, until this past summer, Jessica wore glasses; was a book geek; and was painfully shy. She didn't fit in with Leah's plans after she made the cheerleading squad the summer before freshman year. She also started dating Sam; he was a year older and a popular football player. Jessica was very hurt, but Emily and Jane stuck by her. Other than the glasses, I had been no different than Jess, but when I moved, I was determined to change. I think Jessica had the same idea – she came out of her shell. Jane and Emily have really encouraged her.

I finally discovered the name of the girl hanging off Edward. Her name is Angela Weber. She's a junior, like Edward. They have been together for almost a year. She's beautiful – perfect skin; long black hair; big, ice blue eyes; perfect figure … and a perfect bitch. She's part of what we have started calling the "bitch brigade." Besides Angela, the group includes Lauren and Victoria Mallory, and several other girls. Leah and Bree also hang out with them a lot, even though they are younger, they are cheerleaders. 'Nuff said. They don't acknowledge anybody outside of their group other than guys, of course, especially the jocks.

Speaking of jocks, Emmett McCarty is a senior and first-string quarterback. He's huge but really graceful with a ball. Apparently, he doesn't date anybody seriously, not anymore. Supposedly, he dated Victoria for two years, but she cheated on him with James Brandon. Girls clamor for Emmett's attention. Lauren is pathetic around him even though he is her sister's ex. Emmett's a jokester and really friendly. He even smiled – flashing that adorable dimple – at me in the hall the other day.

When you're used to guys not paying attention to you, it's easy to observe unobtrusively. Emmett may say he won't get serious with a girl, but I have seen him look longingly at Rosalie Cullen, varsity cheerleader and Edward's twin sister, on more than one occasion.

Edward plays back-up to Emmett but will be quarterback and team captain next year. I could watch him all day. His passes are a thing of beauty, but he's not afraid to run the ball. His full-time position this year is running back. I've seen him running at practice, and he's the fastest on the team. I've never seen shorts look as good on anybody as they do on Edward. According to Jane, he's very devoted to Angela – doesn't even look at other girls. But I can dream and drool from afar. And I do.

* * *

><p>I'm going to my first party!<p>

It's the end of September already. The football team is 4-0 and Homecoming is in two weeks. Nobody has asked me to the dance yet, but I don't really expect anybody to. Jane is going with Marcus, a junior. He's a big guy and plays tight end on the varsity team. Jessica is hoping Mike will ask her tonight. The night of the dance will probably be a good night for me to take up knitting.

I hope my mom doesn't find out that I didn't get asked. I can't even bear to think about the look of disappointment on her face and the reinforced relief she would feel because her pathetic daughter isn't there to embarrass her.

To celebrate last night's win, Royce King is having a party, plus his parents are out of town. He's a senior and a wide receiver, and he's really cute. Supposedly, it's going to be a bonfire, and there will be several kegs. Thankfully and miraculously, it isn't raining tonight.

A couple of weeks ago, Jessica and I stole a couple of beers from her dad's stash – my first beer ever. I actually like the taste of it and kind of enjoyed the tipsy, carefree feeling I had when I was done. I've never had beer from a keg, but I look forward to trying it. Maybe it will keep my nerves at a minimum.

My dad is dropping Jane and me off at Jessica's house to get ready. He thinks we're having a slumber party, and we will, _after_ the _keg_ party. He doesn't actually know I'm going to a party with drinking; I don't think he would be agreeable to that. I know Leah is going too, and she didn't tell Dad and Sue either. If she tried to get me in trouble, she'd be in trouble too. Jane said Royce's house is on several acres. There's a run-down barn way back on the property, which is out of my dad's jurisdiction.

Since I'd never been to a party before, I don't have anything good to wear. Jane and Jessica are going to help me.

Jane and I jump out of the car and wave goodbye to my dad. Jessica opens the front door before we can even get to it. She's bouncing on her toes; she's excited too.

Jane laughs at both of us but not in a mean way. I think our enthusiasm is contagious, she can't resist us. She likes to do makeup and hair, and I'm going to be her model tonight. Jane is really pretty, long blonde hair and big blue eyes. And one of the sweetest people I have ever met.

"Your hair is so pretty, Bella. How do you get it so shiny?"

"My mom told me to leave the hair conditioner on for a few minutes and then rinse with cold water. I don't know why, but it works." Actually, my mom told me that I could use all of the help I could get. Maybe I can finally use her tips successfully.

"Cool. I'll have to try that. Okay, what look do you want to go for?"

"The kind that will make cute guys notice me, of course. Duh!" She laughed but nodded sagely.

"Your wish is my command. Hey, Jess, where are you?"

"I'm looking for something for Bella to wear." We hear her shout from the closet.

"I brought a few things for you to try too." Jane starts twirling my hair around the curling iron.

"Jeez, Bella, your skin is so clear. You won't need much makeup, just a little bit of powder and blush. I want to line your eyes to make them the focal point."

She keeps planning while she finishes my hair. I'm just letting her do her thing. I was a little bit worried about the corkscrews that were showing up as she let each section out of the barrel, but then she did something with the brush and I was amazed. There is tons of body without looking like I tried too hard, and she was right about the shine. I've never seen my hair look so good.

By the time she was finished with my hair and makeup, I hardly recognized myself. I went from plain to almost pretty. I threw my arms around her and squealed.

"Thank you! I love it!" She beamed at my reaction.

Jessica finally emerged with several outfits over her arm.

"Okay, you have a great butt, Bella. I think you should wear these jeans." She held up a pair of dark skinny jeans. I nodded my head okay. "How about this top?"

"It's a sexy top, Jess, but it's too cold for sleeveless," Jane said.

Jessica and Jane were already dressed, and they both looked really good.

Jane pulled out a top from her bag.

"This is too big for me in the boobs, but I think it will make yours look great. Plus, it will look fantastic with your complexion."

It was really pretty and a gorgeous shade of blue. It had fluttery sleeves with cutouts over the shoulders. The bodice was a wrap-around and tied at the waist. It cut just low enough to emphasize what was inside my pushup bra but not so low that I would be falling out or look slutty.

"Bella, that is perfect!" Jess exclaimed. "Now, put on your new boots and let's see the whole outfit."

I slip on the new boots that I got last week. They are a dark brown with a three inch heel and the tops come up to a couple of inches below my knees. I tuck the jeans in and then stand in front of the mirror.

The three of us stand together and make our assessments. For the first time ever, I feel good about my appearance. I don't hear my mom's voice in my head telling me what a dowdy mess I am. I feel like I belong, and I have a feeling that tonight is going to be a great night.

Sam and Emily are giving us a ride. We hear him honk his horn, so we link arms and run out to the car.

I really hope Edward will be there; maybe he'll finally notice me. Maybe. If not, maybe somebody else will. Maybe.

* * *

><p><strong>AN – I'm sorry that this might be a bit slow at first. I'm setting up the storyline, mostly the characters. Next chapter, things should start to get a little more exciting. At least, I hope you will think so. **

**Also, not for a few chapters, but there will definitely be some more EPOV and maybe a few others to explain themselves. Several people will have some explaining to do. And limes and lemons will arrive eventually, possibly in the next chapter.**

**By the way, I like watching football, but I'm not even close to an expert.**

**The next chapter is started. Should I keep going? Please let me know what you think. And, as always, thank you so much for reading.**


End file.
